


I want you to be...

by dr_alwaysthiswise



Series: Haikyuu Captain Squad_BroTotally Spies [2]
Category: Haikyuu!!
Genre: Gen, Humor, One Shot, captainsquad, totallyspiesau
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-12-25
Updated: 2020-12-25
Packaged: 2021-03-11 05:27:04
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,794
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28309710
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/dr_alwaysthiswise/pseuds/dr_alwaysthiswise
Summary: How it all started...Daichi did not expect to be sucked into a trash can with Kuroo, Oikawa, and Bokuto and even more unexpectedly, to see Ushijima Wakatoshi sitting in front of them on the large red chair with a duck in his lap and a line of tulips behind him. Daichi senses an impending headache at the situation, and for the nth time that day, he wonders: Why didn’t I stay at school today?
Relationships: Bokuto Koutarou & Kuroo Tetsurou & Oikawa Tooru & Sawamura Daichi & Ushijima Wakatoshi
Series: Haikyuu Captain Squad_BroTotally Spies [2]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/2073387
Kudos: 2





	I want you to be...

Daichi did not expect to be sucked into a trash can with Kuroo, Oikawa, and Bokuto and even more unexpectedly, to see Ushijima Wakatoshi sitting in front of them on the large red chair with a duck in his lap and a line of tulips behind him. Daichi senses an impending headache at the situation, and for the nth time that day, he wonders: Why didn’t I stay at school today? 

10 minutes ago…

Daichi returns to the shared house that he and the other former volleyball captains share. How the four of them managed to even end up in the same university and the same house was something Daichi wondered everyday throughout his first year in college. What was even more insane was that the four roommates stayed together for six years despite the chaos and fights that followed. How Daichi survived and maintained his sanity for the past six years is probably the reason why he is so good at his job as a College Student Advisor. 

Just as he enters the premises of his home, he can hear Bokuto’s “hey, hey, hey!” followed by the loud thump and yell from Kuroo. Daichi follows Oikawa’s cackling as Kuroo starts yelling at the former volleyball ace now gym trainer. 

“Kou! How dare you do this to me?! What about our code?! Aren’t we bros?! OUR BRO CODE.” 

“BRO! I’M SO SORRY, BUT OIKAWA TOLD ME HE’D TREAT ME TO YAKINIKU IF I TEAMED UP WITH HIM.” 

Daichi manages to enter the living room where his three roommates are, and hears Kuroo yell profanities to the pretty-setter-now-astronomer. “Shittykawa! You bastard, how dare you turn my own bro against me?! You know that goes against the bro code! Do you not respect the bro code?!” 

“Blegh, Kuroo-chan! Did you not know?” Oikawa sticks his tongue out and looks down at Kuroo, arms crossed in a childish way, Daichi wonders whether a five-year old has taken over Oikawa’s body at that moment. “In Mario Kart, there’s no such thing as the bro code. All is fair in love and war.”

Kuroo makes a dramatic gasp, and Daichi knows that he has to step in before they start breaking things...again. “Oikawa, Kuroo, please stop what you’re going to do before you break something again.”

At the sound of his voice, Bokuto is the first to jump up and run over to him to give him a suffocatingly-tight bear hug. “DADCHI! YOU’RE BACK!” 

Kuroo joins in with the hug, grabbing onto Daichi’s arm after Bokuto lets go, and yells: “DADCHI! TELL SHITTYKAWA THAT HE IS WRONG!” He points an accusing finger at Oikawa. 

Oikawa then joins the fray, grabbing onto Daichi’s other arm and starts shaking it. “DADCHI! I AM INNOCENT! I DID NOTHING WRONG!” 

Daichi really doesn’t have the energy to deal with this; if he did, he would’ve crossed his arms and gotten into his infamous captain-dad mode and lecture them about yelling, cheating, and also personal space. However, because he had a long day, he is tired and can only sigh. “Oikawa, what did you do?” 

“Daichi~ Why do you think I did something wrong?” Oikawa whines, but Daichi recognizes that deceptive glint in his eyes. 

“Because unlike you here, Daichi knows what’s right and wrong, and HE WILL BRING ME JUSTICE, SHITTYKAWA.” Kuroo yells. 

“STOP CALLING ME SHITTY. YOU DON’T SEE ME CALLING YOU TRASHY NAMES.” 

“I WILL IF YOU STOP BEING A TRASHY CHARACTER, YOU SICK, CHEATING BASTARD.” 

“Guys,” Daichi starts, but his voice is small in comparison to Bokuto’s enthusiastic yell: “BROS, THE TRASH!” 

“Bokuto, please, you’re not helping.” Daichi says. 

“But Dadchi! The trash-” 

“No, you’re not going to start calling Oikawa or Kuroo trash, even if they are acting like it right now. AND GUYS! WILL YOU PLEASE SHUT UP BEFORE THE NEIGHBORS CALL THE COPS ON US?” 

“THEN DADCHI, TELL US WHO’S RIGHT AND WHO’S WRONG?” Oikawa's grip tightens onto Daichi’s left arm. 

“DADCHI! YOU’RE ON MY SIDE, RIGHT? YOU HATE CHEATERS AND TRASH LIKE HIM, RIGHT?!” Kuroo's grip on his other arm was also really strong, and the two of them are shaking him like a toy. 

“HAH?! WHO’S THE ONE WHO’S SPOUTING TRASH FROM THEIR MOUTH NOW?! PRETTY SURE WE KNOW WHO THE SHITTY ONE IS.” 

“GUYS, THE TRASHC-” 

“BOKUTO, BE QUIET! AND IF YOU TWO AREN’T GOING TO SHUT UP AND ACT YOUR AGE, THEN I WILL THROW YOU GUYS INTO THE DUMPSTER MYSELF, SINCE YOU BOTH ARE ACTING LIKE IT.” 

Just as he says that, there’s a loud whooshing sound, and Daichi suddenly sees the trash can start shaking intensely. “What the-” 

Daichi never manages to finish because in a blink of an eye, he suddenly feels a force pull him in, and immediately, he starts flying towards the trash can. The lid automatically opens and Daichi is suddenly sucked in through the tiny hole of their trash can, and holy shit—WHEN DID THEIR TRASH CAN SUDDENLY HAVE A SLIDE?! AND FOUR SLIDES AT THAT?

“SHIT SHIT SHIT SHIT SHIT SHIT WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON?” Daichi thinks it’s Kuroo who said that; who else curses that much on a daily basis? 

Daichi then sees Oikawa screaming past in the slide above him. “OH MY GOD WHAT THE FUCK IS THAT DISGUSTING GOOP?”

And of course, only Bokuto is enjoying this very, very strange occurrence; his hands are even up in the air as though he was on a rollercoaster. “OH YAAAAA~ THIS IS SO AWESOME!”

When all four of the slides converge into a wide one, and all four of them are in near proximity with one another, Daichi decides to say: “Okay guys, let’s all try not to panic-UAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH.”

He cuts off his sentence with a scream because there’s a sudden drop, and now, they’re all falling mid-air with nothing except darkness underneath. 

“OH MY GOD WE’RE ALL GONNA DIE,” Oikawa and Kuroo said.

Daichi would’ve laughed at them, but he was too busy screaming in fear for his life to do so.

Instead of meeting their deaths however, Daichi suddenly sees a bright circle of light below them, and in a matter of seconds, Daichi lands on something soft and bouncy, though the material wasn’t enough to prevent him from falling off.

Once Daichi gets a firm hold of his surroundings, he sees that he “landed” on a large black sofa. Kuroo rolls on the ground, Oikawa holds the top of the furniture (Daichi assumes that Oikawa was the unfortunate one who landed on the sofa and rolled off due to discomfort), but Bokuto is perfectly perched in the center. His eyes sparkle and shine as he turns to Daichi and says: “DAICHI THAT WAS AMAZING. CAN WE DO THAT AGAIN?! OH, HEY, IT’S US-” 

Daichi doesn’t hold back the large groan and he weakly tries to cover Bokuto’s mouth. “Bokuto, no.” 

“But Daichi, look! It’s-”

“Bokuto. Shut. Up.” 

Bokuto shuts up as Daichi glares at him and puts on his captain-dad mode aura on. However, that doesn’t stop Bokuto from jumping and fidgeting excitedly in his seat. “Looks like the trashcan finally decided to serve its purpose and throw away the trash, trashykawa.” Kuroo says as he lies on the floor.

Oikawa curses before he stands and leans over the couch and spits out: “You were also thrown away too, you shitty-GAH, USHIWAKA?!” 

Daichi looks away and for the first time, he notices the familiar figure in front of them, sitting behind a large desk in a large red chair. And in his lap he has a...a duck? Daichi then notices that despite there being no windows in the room, it was still well-lit with blue and white-colored lights in addition to some fancy blue screens on the walls and some hanging in the air. There were also a fair number of potted plants in the room -- a couple of them in the corners, a cactus or two on some hard surfaces. Even Ushiwaka’s desk had…a vase with a tulip in it, except it was upside down. Now that he looks closely, on the shelf behind Ushiwaka’s desk, there are four different colored vases, each with a single upside down tulip in each one. Daichi couldn’t decide which one was weirder: the duck that he’s holding on his lap or the upside down tulips. 

“Welcome, Oikawa, Sawamura, Kuroo, and Bokuto. It’s been a while since we last met.” Ushiwaka says, snapping Daichi out of his thoughts.

“Ushiwaka?! What’s going on?! Do you know why we’re here?!” Daichi asks.

He ignores Bokuto’s comment: “hmph, I saw him first.” 

“Well, I summoned you guys here. And don’t call me Ushiwaka: I am Ushijerry, your new boss.” Ushiwaka says, his face serious as he says that weird foreign name.

“Hah?! Excuse me, you son of a-” Oikawa gets cut off when Kuroo wrestles him into the couch. He sits on Oikawa, who demands Kuroo to get off before he suffocates to death. 

“As much as I would love to send this bastard to the other side of the universe, I have to agree with him: what are you talking about? I definitely do not recall seeing an email or an announcement that my Professor died.” Kuroo says. 

For the first time in his life, Daichi is so grateful for his roommates’ ability to adapt and still be witty in this situation. 

“Ah, you must be mistaken: your Professor is certainly alive and healthy.” Ushiwaka replies in his characteristic stiff and very serious face. 

“No, no, no, I mean, Ushiwaka-kun: what is this?” Kuroo tries again, and he gestures to the room. 

Ushiwaka blinks slowly and there’s a brief moment of silence, before he responds: “This is my office. And like I said, you must call me Ushijerry.” 

Kuroo throws his hands up and lets out an exasperated groan. At that moment, Oikawa finally pushes Kuroo off of him and kicks him from behind. “You idiot, this dunce muscle head doesn’t understand your roundabout questions. Now listen here Ushiwaka-”

“Ushijerry.” 

“Ushiwak-”

“You must call me Ushijerry.” 

Daichi hears Kuroo snicker while Bokuto laughs out loud at this exchange. He sees Kuroo elbow Oikawa and whispers: “Yo, I think he’s serious, bro.” 

Oikawa elbows Kuroo back before he proceeds to try again. “...Ushiwa-”

“Ushijerry.” 

“Ushiw-”

“Ushijerry.” 

Oikawa glares at him, before he grits his teeth and says: “Ushijerry.” 

Ushiwaka nods while Bokuto and Kuroo couldn’t hold back their laughs, and Daichi can see some form of satisfaction on his face when Oikawa calls him by his new name. “Ushijerry, why are you here, and after all these years, why do I see your ugly face now?” 

“Very good question, Oikawa. To answer your first question, the reason why I am here is because this is my job...other than cranberry farming. And for your second question-” 

“Hold on, hold on, hold on. You just said many weird things: did you just say cranberry farming?” Oikawa asks. 

“Yes I did.” Ushiwaka responds. 

“Cranberry farming...meaning, you harvest cranberries?” 

“Yes. Cranberry farming.” 

“Cranberry. Farming. As in, you’re a farmer?” 

“Yes Oikawa. My other job is a Farmer. For cranberries to be exact.” 

Before Oikawa and Ushiwaka can banter back and forth, Bokuto suddenly jumps in: “WHOA. YOU GROW CRANBERRIES?! THAT’S SO COOL. IS THAT WHY WE’RE HERE, YOU’RE GOING TO TAKE US TO YOUR CRANBERRIES?!” 

Before anyone can answer, Bokuto and Oikawa are suddenly hit with slippers: Kuroo’s slippers to be exact, since somehow, those were still on his feet when they were sucked into the trashcan. 

“Bro, that’s not the important thing right now. And you too, trashykawa.You’re getting too hungover about this cranberry farming business, even though that’s interesting as hell.” 

Daichi makes a mental note to argue for Kuroo’s case in the Mario Kart game until Kuroo says: “So Ushijerry, what’s with the duck?” Daichi erases the mental note just as quickly as he wrote it before he kicks Kuroo hard in the shin, and Kuroo keels forward in pain.

“No don’t answer that, Ushiwa- I mean, Ushijerry,” Daichi sees how pleased Ushiwaka is when he corrects himself, “But can you tell us why we are here?” Daichi asks. 

Ushiwaka nods and clears his throat before he speaks. “To answer your question, Bokuto Koutaro: No, you’re not here for cranberries, but I can offer you some samples if you’d like,” Bokuto cheers at that offer, “But you guys are here because I am asking you guys to help me save the world.” 

There was a long moment of silence at what Ushiwaka says, until Kuroo ruins the moment and asks: “With the cranberries?” 

Oikawa and Bokuto laugh at the joke but quickly stop when Daichi glares at them. “Sorry, but you want us to help you save the world?” Daichi asks. 

“Yes. I want you guys to help me save the world.” 

“You want us to help you save the world?” Oikawa repeats, and Daichi’s getting a sense of deja vu. 

“Yes, I want you four to help me save the world.” 

Almost as if to make his point, Ushiwaka stands to his full height. Even with the duck in his arms, his presence is imposing. 

There’s another brief moment of silence before Oikawa says: “If you’re telling me to join Shiratorizawa, I’m leaving.” 

Daichi almost facepalms, but he, Kuroo and Bokuto both know based on the past six years that Oikawa is very serious in this situation, all jokes, ducks and cranberries aside. (After all, being repeatedly told by the person who always beat your volleyball team he should’ve joined Shiratorizawa was pretty annoying; it was like doing multiple laps of flying receive drills and having Kuroo and Bokuto laughing on the side.) 

“I am very serious as well. You of all people know that I have always been serious.” Ushijerry responds, and Daichi hears Bokuto and Kuroo once more giggle. “But I am not asking you to join Shiratorizawa. I summoned you guys because I want you guys to become International Spies.” 

There was a moment of silence, but the one who breaks the silence is Bokuto. “So in other words. We’ll be heroes.” 

Ushijerry walks to the window and looks out into the distance. “You can say that, yes.” 

Bokuto is the first one to break the ice and hop up and down in his seat. “OH MY GOD, WE’RE GOING TO BE HEROES. WE’RE GOING TO SAVE THE WORLD AND BECOME HEROES. OH MY GOD, GADGETS, DO WE GET COOL GADGETS LIKE YOU SEE IN THE MOVIES AND TV SHOWS? OH AND WHAT ABOUT OUR COSTUMES. DUDE, DO WE GET CODE-NAMES? USHIJERRY, DO WE GET CODE NAMES? CAN I BE THE ACE?!” 

Kuroo instead starts sweating in his seat, and grabbing ahold of his hair before following suit: “SPIES? AND NOT ONLY THAT, INTERNATIONAL SPIES? HOLD ON, WHEN DID I SIGN UP FOR THIS? WAS THIS WHEN WE SIGNED OUR LEASE? OR WAS IT MY PROFESSOR? WAIT, I HAVE A THESIS DUE VERY SOON, AND I ALSO HAVE TO GRADE THOSE DUMB QUIZZES FOR MY STUDENTS. HOW AM I GOING TO HAVE TIME TO BE AN INTERNATIONAL SPY?” 

Oikawa joins in with the chaos as well, accusingly pointing at Ushijerry in red-faced anger. “HOLD UP, ARE YOU SAYING YOU WERE A SPY THIS ENTIRE TIME?! I KNEW YOU WERE SUSPICIOUS SINCE I MET YOU. OH MY GOD, AFTER ALL THESE YEARS, HAVE YOU BEEN SPYING ON ME, AND LOOKING AT ALL MY PRIVATE MESSAGES? WAIT, DID YOU HACK MY SOCIAL MEDIA ACCOUNTS BACK IN HIGH SCHOOL BECAUSE I DIDN’T JOIN SHIRATORIZAWA?” 

Daichi sighs and thinks: Really should’ve just slept over at the school today. 

EXTRA: 

After everyone calms down, and Daichi is revived from the dead, Oikawa speaks. “Don’t you dare think that I will willingly work for you as a spy, and above all, l be taking orders from you, Ushiwaka.” 

“It’s Ushijerry. And for your guys’ first assignment, you will be intermingling with many foreign ladies.” Ushijerry says, almost ignoring Oikawa’s comment. 

“Hah? You really think that I will just accept if you said that we’re intermingling with-”

“It’s been suspected that aliens are at play here, so it’s essential that we immediately send you guys for-” 

Oikawa stands up suddenly from his seat and there’s suddenly a sparkling aura surrounding him. “If you insist, I, Oikawa Tooru, shall accept your assignment!” 

“But Oikawa, I didn’t even tell you the mission yet, and you’re already acc-”

“We. Are. Going. That’s final. Now, where are we headed off to again?” 

Daichi, Kuroo and Bokuto look at Oikawa, who literally looks like a puppy that got handed a treat, and they know that the only thing on his mind is: aliens, aliens, aliens, aliens, aliens.


End file.
